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And did they ever: My inbox is packed with e-mails from couples whose sex lives got better after the wedding. But we were both in our early 40s and ready to settle down.

I was a very experienced woman (five years as a swinger and partners numbering in the high double digits) when I first met the man who would become my husband. We also had an amazing friendship, and we were never as happy apart as we were together. We went from once a month to a couple times a week. It's not as frequent as it once was, but it's really good when we have it. Am I the first or the hundredth person to write in? I suspect you don't see it in your inbox very often because this isn't what most people would consider a problem and we don't want to waste your time!

Better Erotic Ties Totally Enhanced Relationship Last week, I responded to IMDONE, a woman who married a man despite the sex being "infrequent and impersonal" during their courtship.

To the surprise of no one who has ever given sex advice for a living, the sex didn't get better after IMDONE and her boyfriend got married.

My problevms are not 100 percent fixed, and we don't have sex as often as either of us would like, but when we have it, it's worlds better than when we started out.

For me, being comfortable with my husband and secure in the relationship made it so much easier to communicate and work on fixing the problems together.

It helped that we shared some kinks and were both up for what we agreed would be a nice and mostly companionate marriage. Turns out he needed that emotional attachment to feel safe and secure enough to open up and relax and enjoy himself. All it took for the sex to get better was practice and paying attention to cues and solving problems.

I strongly suspect that perseverance and a bit of luck were also major factors.

It sounds cheesy, but marriage counseling really helped.

It helped my husband understand himself and his reactions better, and it helped cement the idea of "ours" instead of "yours" as it related to the problems I was dealing with at the time.

Practice, Practice, Practice My sex life improved after marriage.

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