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Let's first look at the importance of being true and authentic to ourselves.
If you're like most people, you probably feel that you are quite adept at validating others. We all know how to validate someone with whom we agree.
However, where validation skills are most valuable is in dealing with situations where we disagree or are in conflict with someone.
Your daughter is upset because her husband cut up her credit card.
She says he's treating her like a child and is very controlling.
It can be as simple as negative body language, a look or not saying something when one would expect something to be said.
Validation, on the other hand, is not mindless submission to another person.
It could be picking up on secondary elements that they're experiencing which are true, and confirming that.
Empathizing with the person when validating the validation target is extremely important.
So, the first thing to learn in validating others is to be able to identify something to validate in a "sea" of conflict that is both valid and important to the other person. It could be as simple as validating how the other person feels.
Finding a validation target and mirroring it back from the other person's perspective (empathizing) is the crux of effective validating. It could be mirroring back the other person's rationale of how they are seeing things and why they feel the way the way they do.
And all of this may be further complicated by the fact that we are tired, frustrated, fearful, or holding onto resentments.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating